What will the Yankees do when Tex goes down?

Now that Greg Bird is slated to miss 2016 in its entirety the Yankees are left in a very precarious situation at first base.  Bird was perfectly situated to hang out at Scranton with major league talent while we all waited around for Tex to get hurt.  Now the plans have changed.  You absolutely have to prepare for Teixeira to miss hundreds of at-bats this season but who's going to step in and try to stem the tide?  Let's explore the options...

Dustin Ackley



Ackley's probably going to get a lot of reps over at first base whether Tex is healthy or not.  His strong finish and relatively young age make his prospects for 2016 borderline exciting.  I like his stick.  I'm not exactly sure if he's changed anything since stinking it up in Seattle for all those years but in 52 AB's in pinstripes he looked a lot more like the stud who was drafted 2nd overall out of UNC.  He's versatile enough to give Castro and Beltran a blow at second and right every few days but if/when Tex goes down this is most likely going to be the guy shouldering the load at first.

Juan Uribe



This would be my favorite.  Juan Uribe in pinstripes.  There is nothing not to love about this guy.  Just a fat, lovable, relatable dude who's swing is just as big as his dick.  He's a right-handed bat with a ton of pop.  He can spell Headley and Tex at first and third whenever you need.  Basically everything the Yanks are looking for right now.  Not to mention the fact that this guy is a gamer.  Just one of those guys who's never seen a moment on the baseball field that he couldn't handle.  Mark my words if the Yanks get to the playoffs this guy is going to bash one into monument park and turn Yankee Stadium inside out.

A-Rod


There've been a lot of mixed messages about Alex Rodriguez and the first base position.  Girardi seems to be leaving the door open a little in terms of whether or not A-Rod will see time at first base this spring despite him admittedly being uncomfortable over there.  A-Rod seems to want no part of it and I don't blame him.  People act like you can just throw anyone over there and make it work.  You can't.  You have to fucking catch the ball.  The Yanks have a third baseman who would have had about 90 throwing errors last year if it wasn't for Tex.  A second baseman who just started playing the position.  The only place A-Rod feels less comfortable at than a social interaction is first base.

Ike Davis



I completely forgot this guy existed but apparently he's out there.  He's coming off of hip surgery and was having a terrible year with the A's prior to that.  He's mildly attractive because he'd likely accept a minor league contract and if he ever does make it to the big league club he's capable of putting a few balls out of the ballpark but all-in-all this dude is a bum and I'd rather try and lure Garret Jones back from Japan than invite Ike Davis to spring training.

Pedro Alvarez 



This is the name everyone's bringing up because he's probably the best available slugger on the market and he's from New York.  But he hit 27 home runs last year.  That's not peanuts.  That's legitimate major league output no matter which way you slice it.  There's at least four or five teams who would be interested in inking Alvarez to a major league deal that can guarantee him a ton of at bats and the Yankees aren't one of them.  Not going to happen.

Justin Morneau



Better player than Alvarez but I'm pretty sure he has CTE so that brings his market down a little bit.  He'll likely have plenty of suitors willing to offer him a big league job so, like Alvarez, there's really no shot they sign him.

Gary Sanchez 



Things might get interesting if Sanchez makes the team out of spring training.  He'll have plenty of opportunities to prove his bat is a major league weapon and if he hits Girardi should find ways to get him in the lineup, especially because he's right-handed.  If Tex should go down don't be surprised if McCann gets an uptick in reps over at first while they try to groom Sanchez behind the plate.

Greg Bird to have shoulder surgery, will miss all of 2016

Well this just came out of fucking nowhere didn't it?  Just when you thought you were allowed to get excited about the Yankees bringing up a star position player you get punched in the gut.  Not that the story of Greg Bird doesn't have plenty more chapters to be written but this SUCKS.  This was going to be Bird's opportunity to fine-tune his skills before taking the full-time gig in 2017.  Now who knows what's going to happen a year from now.  I'm nervous about Bird's future but I don't subscribe to this idea that he's the next Nick Johnson.  He had some injury hiccups in the minors but he never underwent anything major.  Certainly nothing close to this.

The thing that does scare me is the power.  I don't know what kind of player Bird's going to end up becoming.  Maybe he'll never hit for average.  Maybe he'll never be a plus defender at first.  But the one thing that's evident is that the kid has MAJOR Yankee Stadium pop and a tendency to hit home runs in big spots.  If having surgery on that right lead shoulder hinders the development of that power it's going to drastically change the kind of player he can become.

PS - How about the Yankee doctors get a fucking clue?  First Tex is day-to-day for about two months with a bone bruise that turned about to be a fracture.  Now you had Bird basically playing the whole year with a torn labrum and nobody noticed when he complained about it the first time?  Tanaka's probably pitching every game with a completely detached UCL.

Guy needs to vent on reddit about his wife's "don't fucking touch me I'm on my period" outfit

DAILY MAIL - It's the time in the month when women allow themselves a bit of comfort.

So no one would blame this man's poor wife for cosying up in a fleecey snowman dressing gown, baggy pyjama trousers and fluffy socks.

But after her husband - known only as chrisflynn85 and believed to be from Pennsylvania - took a candid snap of her outfit while she wasn't looking and posted it online, he may be in for a whole world of pain.

Chrisflynn85  shared the image on Reddit on 27 January with the caption: 'This is my wife's "don't f****** touch me I'm on my period" outfit.'  What was most likely meant as a harmless joke quickly spiralled out of control as the image notched up more than 2 million views in just one day along with almost 2,000 comments. 

And the hapless husband may now be wishing he had never posted it in the first place, as it quickly developed into a heated debate over the correct choice of lounge wear for women at that time of the month. He later admitted: 'If she sees this, pms is going to move to defcon 5'.

Reddit users seemed divided over whether the photo was amusing or just cruel.

Things like this scare me.  As a single 25-year-old the only thing that really gets me going when I'm scraping ice off my car at 6 o'clock in the morning to go to work is the thought that one day all this hard work (just going to work like a normal person) will pay off and I'll be rich and my eventual wife will be sashaying around the house in lingerie every single night for the rest of my life until I die.  But with each passing day that dream is dying a slow, painful death.  I can only hope that on the day I realize that's not going to happen that I don't resort to this.  So jaded from a sexless marriage (I hear they all are) that I'm blowing up my wife's spot on reddit just to keep my sanity.

And in no way am I condemning this outfit or this look in general for a woman.  Comfort is key.  Wear whatever you want, especially around the house.  But I see why this was this guy's breaking point.  Once my wife starts tucking her pjs into her socks like she's trying to avoid ticks on a field trip to Caumsett State park I'll know my dream is dead too.

Wallace Matthews and Andrew Marchand think A-Rod is still on roids

ESPN - Marchand: It's still pretty unfathomable that A-Rod will enter this year's camp as the beloved leader of the Yankees. He was a pariah 365 days ago. The Yankees did not want him, but still owed him $60 million-plus so they had to keep him. It appeared to me that it was going to be a 24-plus-one situation. Instead, A-Rod said the right things and, most importantly for his good graces with the team and many of its fans, he hit.

A-Rod also acted differently. He was much more welcoming and friendly than in the past. Could it have been an act? We did see this once before, during "PED Redemption Tour No. 1" in 2009, which was the eve of his involvement with Tony Bosch and his Biogenesis friends.

Matthews: He did act differently, but we have to remember he was on his best behavior for a number of reasons. He was trying to court the Yankees' front office, his teammates, the fans, the media, and probably most of all, new commissioner Rob Manfred, who had prosecuted MLB's case against him in the Biogenesis affair. So while he was different, I'll reserve judgment on whether A-Rod is truly a changed man until we see his demeanor this season.

Marchand: I agree. The other thing that can't be ruled out is how the heck did he do it last year? I mean, two hip surgeries, his 40th birthday and basically two years of inactivity and A-Rod was great for three-quarters of the season. My mom taught me a long time ago, if it is too good to be true, it usually is. That said, maybe A-Rod was doing things on the up and up -- but at this point, it would be naive not to at least wonder if he still had some extra help.

Matthews: Unfortunately, baseball and all professional sports have made this dirty bed for themselves and it’s not only naive, but irresponsible for us as journalists not to suspect hanky-panky when an athlete of an advanced age does something it seems unlikely he would be able to do. I’ll give Alex the benefit of the doubt on 2015, but would be very surprised if he were able to remain healthy all season and produce like that again in 2016.

Marchand: I doubt he'll be as lucky with his health as he was last year. At 41, even as a full-time DH, you have to think he is due for an injury or, at least, less production. While I do believe the fans will turn on him to some degree if he is not good, I think there is some breathing room. He won't be hated, like he once was, if he is just bad or hurt. However, if he is caught using PEDs again, well, that is another story. As for tying Babe Ruth with home run No. 714 this year -- he enters 2016 with 687 career longballs -- I don't see another season of 27-plus homers in the cards.

Matthews: To get back to our original question, I don't know for sure if Alex is a truly changed man, but I expect him to conduct himself in 2016 pretty much the way he did in 2015. I think he got a taste of what it's like to be a fan favorite, of a sort, and I also think he got a glimpse of what his future in the game could be after his retirement -- a nice, cushy TV job. He may be crazy at times, but Alex Rodriguez ain't stupid.

Now Wallace Matthews and Andrew Marchand aren't exactly accusing A-Rod of still being on steroids.  Like anyone else with a brain they're skeptical and they don't trust him.  And neither should you.  Nobody should.  But I do believe in my heart of hearts that A-Rod played 2015 clean.  I think he faded off way too hard towards the end of the season to have been aided by any kind of PEDs.  Those gummies would have had his bat sizzling all the way through the fall.

However, 2016 might be a BIG steroid year for Alex.  We've seen this story before.  A-Rod hits rockbottom with the public, humbles himself, flips the script by playing awesome, doesn't play so awesome and then all of the sudden he's taking steroids again.  We saw it in 2009 when he was outed as a cheat for the first time.  After carrying the Yankees to a World Series all it took was one shitty playoff performance for him to starting juicing again.  We could be looking at a very similar situation if he comes out of the gate this year hitting .130 which wouldn't surprise me in the least.  I'm not expecting anything if A-Rod's clean this year.  He really showed his age the last two months of the season and I can't help but believe that that's the player he's going to be for the rest of his career.  

That's why I don't think doing steroids again in 2016 would be the worst idea in the world.  A-Rod's the cat's pajamas right now cause he had a really nice season on the whole when nobody expected it.  He's hijacking the World Series from the broadcast booth, instagraming his tits off everyday and really seems to be enjoying himself but if he sucks it's not going to take long for the boos to start pouring down and for everything to revert back to the way it was a year ago.  So If I were Alex Rodriguez and I was sure I was the same player I was for the last quarter of 2015 I wouldn't bother showing up to camp this year without a fanniepack full of primobolan.

PS - I'm kind of rooting for him to get caught again too only because it would be absolutely fascinating to see how he'd handle it.

Hannah Davis says she never got a Jeter gift basket, calls the legend a hoax

NJ.COM - The Derek Jeter Rumor That Refuses to Die — the alleged stories that the ex-Yankees captain gave one-night stands swag-filled gift baskets — stayed alive for one more round of questioning this week.

And this time, it was Jeter's fiancee Hannah Davis who was asked about it.

On Wednesday, she appeared on the 105.3 The Fan's "Shan & RJ" show in Dallas and was asked how she finally got Jeter to "settle down." 

Her response: There are plenty of secrets about her and Jeter that are staying that way, something she's basically said before. 

Then: "The gift baskets are not true, right?"

Bringing up her future husband's gossip page and alleged female-filled past on the air? Okay.

"I never received a gift basket," she said, "and I'm really sad anyone could believe something that's just such a stupid story that makes no sense but, i mean, what are you going to do?"

Jeter's denied this one twice already. In 2014, he told New York Magazine "Like I'm giving them signed baseballs and pictures of myself on the way out! Who comes up with a story like that?" Back in November, he had this to say to Joe Buck: "It's a dumb story, right? And you really have to be dumber to believe it."

Can we finally put asking about this one to bed?

Oh yea that settles it.  Hannah Davis said Derek Jeter never gave away gift baskets to the girls he was banging when he was single so that's it.  The legend is dead.

Give me a break.  First of all, Jetes wasn't giving away memorabilia to supermodels and A-list celebrities.  He was giving them away to the thousands of nameless smokes that stumbled out of his apartment over the course of the last twenty years.  To the random twenty-something year olds that went home and told EVERYONE that they just slept with the Captain.  Signed baseballs are for THOTS.  Not for the Tyra Banks' and the Mariah Carey's of the world.  You think Jessica Biel needed an autographed picture of the flip play before she'd get out of his hair?

So of course you didn't get a gift basket Hannah.  You're a supermodel.  You're the Direct TV genie.  You have a talking horse.  Not only that, you just happened to be there as he was contemplating retirement are the love of his life.  So don't you dare sit there and tell me you ever even asked him about this story cause you know you didn't.  You didn't cause it's too real.  You already know the answer. 

PS - The dude that wrote this can take a hike.  Can we finally put this one to bed?  Anyone who doesn't want to live in a world where the Derek Jeter gift basket story is real isn't anyone I'd ever want to spend any time with ever.

Tom from MySpace offers to pay Tim Lincecum's salary if the Giants retain him

Timmy's Myspace Prof Pic (probably) 

Can we keep @timLincecum if I pay for it? #6manrotation ! @sfgiants @knbr @extrabaggs @mccoveychron pic.twitter.com/tQG2jmG0Mt

— Tom Anderson (@myspacetom) January 26, 2016

Very little surprise here.  Tim Lincecum is pretty much the myspace of starting pitchers.  At their peaks they were probably the most rousing entities in their respective fields but have both since faded away into nothing more than a nostalgic existence.  I totally get this move from a Giants POV.  This scrawny, gangly looking dude with hair like Severus Snape and a delivery like something out of create-a-player in MVP 05' was appointment television every time he toed the rubber for about four years.  From 08'-11' he was literally the best pitcher in baseball.  He's been on board for all three World Series titles and whether he was a primary contributor or not those looking from afar like myself will always see him as the face of the franchise.  I hope they keep him because without SanFran's unconditional love and support he may not make a major league team out of spring training.  Just keep him on as a reliever, have him regrow his hair out, give him a few spot starts so he can throw his annual 8-walk no-hitter and go win another World Series.

People are mad that a white dude is playing Michael Jackson in a TV Movie

Business Insider - Joseph Fiennes ("Shakespeare in Love") has been cast as Michael Jackson in an upcoming British TV movie about a supposed road trip the King of Pop embarked on with Elizabeth Taylor and Marlon Brando following the September 11 terrorist attacks, according to the Guardian. 

The film will feature Stockard Channing as Taylor and and Brian Cox as Brando.  

The story of this bizarre trip was first reported in the June 2011 issue of Vanity Fair. Jackson was in the city after performing two shows at Madison Square Garden, and he was joined by his two friends. According to the story, one of Jackson's former employees claims that since they were unable to secure a private jet, the three friends rented a car and made it as far as Ohio.

There are conflicting reports of the story, though. One of Taylor's friends and assistants insisted that the actress stayed in the city, went to a church to pray, and met with Ground Zero first responders.

News of the white, English Fiennes' casting as the late black pop star has caused an uproar on social media.

Charlie Hunnam can play Mexican-American Edgar Valdez & Joseph Fiennes can play Michael Jackosn, but Idris Elba can't play Bond?

— LaToya Allen (@HashtagLaToya) January 27, 2016

Oddly enough, it won’t be the first time I’ll see Joseph Fiennes portray a man of color. I saw him 20 years ago as Jesus in a London play.

— Jamil Smith (@JamilSmith) January 26, 2016

WTF? Joseph Fiennes is playing Michael Jackson? This is NOT the colorblind casting we meant, entertainment industry https://t.co/1EPpbC8jcO

— Dorothy Snarker (@dorothysnarker) January 26, 2016

The world's reaction to Joseph Fiennes, a British white actor, playing Michael Jackson... pic.twitter.com/AZJvVdabWC

— Ramon Bailey (@MrXecutive) January 27, 2016

I kind of understand where people are coming from here.  Michael Jackson is a pillar in the history of African-American entertainment and culture so to have some pasty bloke from England portraying the king of pop has to be somewhat of a slap in the face.  But the fact of the matter is it doesn't matter who you cast to play MJ because nobody on planet earth has every even remotely resembled looking like that guy.  Black.  White.  Male.  Female.  It  doesn't matter.  That's why this movie is going to be appointment television.  Watching this Adam Devine looking motherfucker

attempt to look, talk, sing, dance and behave like Michael Jackson is going to be hilarious.  Every single person who's every played MJ in a VH1 original movie has looked absolutely ridiculous doing so.  If I were a casting director I would just offer up the role to whoever was willing to get the most plastic surgery done in the shortest amount of time.  Doesn't matter if you're black or white.