Guy needs to vent on reddit about his wife's "don't fucking touch me I'm on my period" outfit

DAILY MAIL - It's the time in the month when women allow themselves a bit of comfort.

So no one would blame this man's poor wife for cosying up in a fleecey snowman dressing gown, baggy pyjama trousers and fluffy socks.

But after her husband - known only as chrisflynn85 and believed to be from Pennsylvania - took a candid snap of her outfit while she wasn't looking and posted it online, he may be in for a whole world of pain.

Chrisflynn85  shared the image on Reddit on 27 January with the caption: 'This is my wife's "don't f****** touch me I'm on my period" outfit.'  What was most likely meant as a harmless joke quickly spiralled out of control as the image notched up more than 2 million views in just one day along with almost 2,000 comments. 

And the hapless husband may now be wishing he had never posted it in the first place, as it quickly developed into a heated debate over the correct choice of lounge wear for women at that time of the month. He later admitted: 'If she sees this, pms is going to move to defcon 5'.

Reddit users seemed divided over whether the photo was amusing or just cruel.

Things like this scare me.  As a single 25-year-old the only thing that really gets me going when I'm scraping ice off my car at 6 o'clock in the morning to go to work is the thought that one day all this hard work (just going to work like a normal person) will pay off and I'll be rich and my eventual wife will be sashaying around the house in lingerie every single night for the rest of my life until I die.  But with each passing day that dream is dying a slow, painful death.  I can only hope that on the day I realize that's not going to happen that I don't resort to this.  So jaded from a sexless marriage (I hear they all are) that I'm blowing up my wife's spot on reddit just to keep my sanity.

And in no way am I condemning this outfit or this look in general for a woman.  Comfort is key.  Wear whatever you want, especially around the house.  But I see why this was this guy's breaking point.  Once my wife starts tucking her pjs into her socks like she's trying to avoid ticks on a field trip to Caumsett State park I'll know my dream is dead too.

Wallace Matthews and Andrew Marchand think A-Rod is still on roids

ESPN - Marchand: It's still pretty unfathomable that A-Rod will enter this year's camp as the beloved leader of the Yankees. He was a pariah 365 days ago. The Yankees did not want him, but still owed him $60 million-plus so they had to keep him. It appeared to me that it was going to be a 24-plus-one situation. Instead, A-Rod said the right things and, most importantly for his good graces with the team and many of its fans, he hit.

A-Rod also acted differently. He was much more welcoming and friendly than in the past. Could it have been an act? We did see this once before, during "PED Redemption Tour No. 1" in 2009, which was the eve of his involvement with Tony Bosch and his Biogenesis friends.

Matthews: He did act differently, but we have to remember he was on his best behavior for a number of reasons. He was trying to court the Yankees' front office, his teammates, the fans, the media, and probably most of all, new commissioner Rob Manfred, who had prosecuted MLB's case against him in the Biogenesis affair. So while he was different, I'll reserve judgment on whether A-Rod is truly a changed man until we see his demeanor this season.

Marchand: I agree. The other thing that can't be ruled out is how the heck did he do it last year? I mean, two hip surgeries, his 40th birthday and basically two years of inactivity and A-Rod was great for three-quarters of the season. My mom taught me a long time ago, if it is too good to be true, it usually is. That said, maybe A-Rod was doing things on the up and up -- but at this point, it would be naive not to at least wonder if he still had some extra help.

Matthews: Unfortunately, baseball and all professional sports have made this dirty bed for themselves and it’s not only naive, but irresponsible for us as journalists not to suspect hanky-panky when an athlete of an advanced age does something it seems unlikely he would be able to do. I’ll give Alex the benefit of the doubt on 2015, but would be very surprised if he were able to remain healthy all season and produce like that again in 2016.

Marchand: I doubt he'll be as lucky with his health as he was last year. At 41, even as a full-time DH, you have to think he is due for an injury or, at least, less production. While I do believe the fans will turn on him to some degree if he is not good, I think there is some breathing room. He won't be hated, like he once was, if he is just bad or hurt. However, if he is caught using PEDs again, well, that is another story. As for tying Babe Ruth with home run No. 714 this year -- he enters 2016 with 687 career longballs -- I don't see another season of 27-plus homers in the cards.

Matthews: To get back to our original question, I don't know for sure if Alex is a truly changed man, but I expect him to conduct himself in 2016 pretty much the way he did in 2015. I think he got a taste of what it's like to be a fan favorite, of a sort, and I also think he got a glimpse of what his future in the game could be after his retirement -- a nice, cushy TV job. He may be crazy at times, but Alex Rodriguez ain't stupid.

Now Wallace Matthews and Andrew Marchand aren't exactly accusing A-Rod of still being on steroids.  Like anyone else with a brain they're skeptical and they don't trust him.  And neither should you.  Nobody should.  But I do believe in my heart of hearts that A-Rod played 2015 clean.  I think he faded off way too hard towards the end of the season to have been aided by any kind of PEDs.  Those gummies would have had his bat sizzling all the way through the fall.

However, 2016 might be a BIG steroid year for Alex.  We've seen this story before.  A-Rod hits rockbottom with the public, humbles himself, flips the script by playing awesome, doesn't play so awesome and then all of the sudden he's taking steroids again.  We saw it in 2009 when he was outed as a cheat for the first time.  After carrying the Yankees to a World Series all it took was one shitty playoff performance for him to starting juicing again.  We could be looking at a very similar situation if he comes out of the gate this year hitting .130 which wouldn't surprise me in the least.  I'm not expecting anything if A-Rod's clean this year.  He really showed his age the last two months of the season and I can't help but believe that that's the player he's going to be for the rest of his career.  

That's why I don't think doing steroids again in 2016 would be the worst idea in the world.  A-Rod's the cat's pajamas right now cause he had a really nice season on the whole when nobody expected it.  He's hijacking the World Series from the broadcast booth, instagraming his tits off everyday and really seems to be enjoying himself but if he sucks it's not going to take long for the boos to start pouring down and for everything to revert back to the way it was a year ago.  So If I were Alex Rodriguez and I was sure I was the same player I was for the last quarter of 2015 I wouldn't bother showing up to camp this year without a fanniepack full of primobolan.

PS - I'm kind of rooting for him to get caught again too only because it would be absolutely fascinating to see how he'd handle it.

Hannah Davis says she never got a Jeter gift basket, calls the legend a hoax

NJ.COM - The Derek Jeter Rumor That Refuses to Die — the alleged stories that the ex-Yankees captain gave one-night stands swag-filled gift baskets — stayed alive for one more round of questioning this week.

And this time, it was Jeter's fiancee Hannah Davis who was asked about it.

On Wednesday, she appeared on the 105.3 The Fan's "Shan & RJ" show in Dallas and was asked how she finally got Jeter to "settle down." 

Her response: There are plenty of secrets about her and Jeter that are staying that way, something she's basically said before. 

Then: "The gift baskets are not true, right?"

Bringing up her future husband's gossip page and alleged female-filled past on the air? Okay.

"I never received a gift basket," she said, "and I'm really sad anyone could believe something that's just such a stupid story that makes no sense but, i mean, what are you going to do?"

Jeter's denied this one twice already. In 2014, he told New York Magazine "Like I'm giving them signed baseballs and pictures of myself on the way out! Who comes up with a story like that?" Back in November, he had this to say to Joe Buck: "It's a dumb story, right? And you really have to be dumber to believe it."

Can we finally put asking about this one to bed?

Oh yea that settles it.  Hannah Davis said Derek Jeter never gave away gift baskets to the girls he was banging when he was single so that's it.  The legend is dead.

Give me a break.  First of all, Jetes wasn't giving away memorabilia to supermodels and A-list celebrities.  He was giving them away to the thousands of nameless smokes that stumbled out of his apartment over the course of the last twenty years.  To the random twenty-something year olds that went home and told EVERYONE that they just slept with the Captain.  Signed baseballs are for THOTS.  Not for the Tyra Banks' and the Mariah Carey's of the world.  You think Jessica Biel needed an autographed picture of the flip play before she'd get out of his hair?

So of course you didn't get a gift basket Hannah.  You're a supermodel.  You're the Direct TV genie.  You have a talking horse.  Not only that, you just happened to be there as he was contemplating retirement are the love of his life.  So don't you dare sit there and tell me you ever even asked him about this story cause you know you didn't.  You didn't cause it's too real.  You already know the answer. 

PS - The dude that wrote this can take a hike.  Can we finally put this one to bed?  Anyone who doesn't want to live in a world where the Derek Jeter gift basket story is real isn't anyone I'd ever want to spend any time with ever.

Tom from MySpace offers to pay Tim Lincecum's salary if the Giants retain him

Timmy's Myspace Prof Pic (probably) 

Can we keep @timLincecum if I pay for it? #6manrotation ! @sfgiants @knbr @extrabaggs @mccoveychron pic.twitter.com/tQG2jmG0Mt

— Tom Anderson (@myspacetom) January 26, 2016

Very little surprise here.  Tim Lincecum is pretty much the myspace of starting pitchers.  At their peaks they were probably the most rousing entities in their respective fields but have both since faded away into nothing more than a nostalgic existence.  I totally get this move from a Giants POV.  This scrawny, gangly looking dude with hair like Severus Snape and a delivery like something out of create-a-player in MVP 05' was appointment television every time he toed the rubber for about four years.  From 08'-11' he was literally the best pitcher in baseball.  He's been on board for all three World Series titles and whether he was a primary contributor or not those looking from afar like myself will always see him as the face of the franchise.  I hope they keep him because without SanFran's unconditional love and support he may not make a major league team out of spring training.  Just keep him on as a reliever, have him regrow his hair out, give him a few spot starts so he can throw his annual 8-walk no-hitter and go win another World Series.

People are mad that a white dude is playing Michael Jackson in a TV Movie

Business Insider - Joseph Fiennes ("Shakespeare in Love") has been cast as Michael Jackson in an upcoming British TV movie about a supposed road trip the King of Pop embarked on with Elizabeth Taylor and Marlon Brando following the September 11 terrorist attacks, according to the Guardian. 

The film will feature Stockard Channing as Taylor and and Brian Cox as Brando.  

The story of this bizarre trip was first reported in the June 2011 issue of Vanity Fair. Jackson was in the city after performing two shows at Madison Square Garden, and he was joined by his two friends. According to the story, one of Jackson's former employees claims that since they were unable to secure a private jet, the three friends rented a car and made it as far as Ohio.

There are conflicting reports of the story, though. One of Taylor's friends and assistants insisted that the actress stayed in the city, went to a church to pray, and met with Ground Zero first responders.

News of the white, English Fiennes' casting as the late black pop star has caused an uproar on social media.

Charlie Hunnam can play Mexican-American Edgar Valdez & Joseph Fiennes can play Michael Jackosn, but Idris Elba can't play Bond?

— LaToya Allen (@HashtagLaToya) January 27, 2016

Oddly enough, it won’t be the first time I’ll see Joseph Fiennes portray a man of color. I saw him 20 years ago as Jesus in a London play.

— Jamil Smith (@JamilSmith) January 26, 2016

WTF? Joseph Fiennes is playing Michael Jackson? This is NOT the colorblind casting we meant, entertainment industry https://t.co/1EPpbC8jcO

— Dorothy Snarker (@dorothysnarker) January 26, 2016

The world's reaction to Joseph Fiennes, a British white actor, playing Michael Jackson... pic.twitter.com/AZJvVdabWC

— Ramon Bailey (@MrXecutive) January 27, 2016

I kind of understand where people are coming from here.  Michael Jackson is a pillar in the history of African-American entertainment and culture so to have some pasty bloke from England portraying the king of pop has to be somewhat of a slap in the face.  But the fact of the matter is it doesn't matter who you cast to play MJ because nobody on planet earth has every even remotely resembled looking like that guy.  Black.  White.  Male.  Female.  It  doesn't matter.  That's why this movie is going to be appointment television.  Watching this Adam Devine looking motherfucker

attempt to look, talk, sing, dance and behave like Michael Jackson is going to be hilarious.  Every single person who's every played MJ in a VH1 original movie has looked absolutely ridiculous doing so.  If I were a casting director I would just offer up the role to whoever was willing to get the most plastic surgery done in the shortest amount of time.  Doesn't matter if you're black or white. 

Matty Mauk suspended indefinitely after video of him trying to do cocaine surfaces

Matty Mauk missing the line, just like he misses his receivers. #Mizzou #Rocktober #MattyIce @TMAFanpage @TMASTL pic.twitter.com/cAUbMqfkT8

— Ray King (@Ray56King) January 26, 2016

I really don't understand how athletes and public figures get themselves into these situations but I think I get what happened here.  Sometimes you're at a party and you wander over to the fridge to grab a beer and you stumble on a few guys blasting rails on the kitchen table.  And of course they offered Matty Mauk free cocaine.  Those are the perks of operating under center for the worst passing offense in the SEC.  So I know I'm not about to sit here and judge anyone for accepting free drugs.  And in Matt's defense he looks very much like a guy being pressured into doing drugs for the first time.  Powder disorganized and all over the table.  Not really snorting anything but pretending to have done so.  I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure butterknives rarely come into play in these situations.  So Matt just went with the flow and it's hard to knock him for that.  When you're trapped in a room with strangers and cocaine you either pretend to blow lines or starting singing.  Matt chose the former.

The Yankees are going to honor David Ortiz at the end of this year and I'm going to puke

NESN -  The New York Yankees will set aside their rivalry with the Boston Red Sox for one night this season. Yankees owner Hal Steinbrenner spoke to reporters in Florida on Wednesday and told them the club plans to honor David Ortiz during his final series at Yankee Stadium. The retiring designated hitter will make his last trip there with the Red Sox from Sept. 27 to 29. 

“I am sure we’re going to do something,” Steinbrenner said, per the New York Post. “We have not formally, minute by minute, figured out exactly what we’re going to do yet. He’s a great player, great part of that franchise. Everything you like to see in a player.” The Red Sox did the same for shortstop Derek Jeter’s retirement, so it’s no surprise the Yankees are stepping up. Boston had a ceremony at Fenway Park for Jeter before the final game of the 2014 season, while Red Sox fans chanted his name earlier in the series.

This better be a joke.  I'm going to go ahead and let the vagueness of that Hal Steinbrenner comment leave the door open for reconsideration because this would be the softest move in the history of sports.  David Ortiz is the enemy in every sense of the word.  The worldwide love affair with him is possibly the most frustrating thing I have to deal with as a sports fan.  For it to culminate with a memorial at Yankee fucking Stadium would make my physically sick.  

All this guy has done for the last 13 years is break the Yankees' back and pimp every home run he's ever hit against them.  He walked it off two nights in a row and brought the Yankees to their lowest moment in franchise history.  He broke the curse and changed the entire dynamic of Yankees/Red Sox that existed for 100 years.  And he's a FUCKING CHEAT.  He was linked to the same exact list that nailed A-Rod in 2009.  All he did was wine, stomp his feet and deny it and everyone still believes him to this day.  Well not me.  Me and my friends will buy front row tickets to this ceremony and throw tomatoes at him.  And he will get booed.  There isn't a chance in hell he's going to get an ovation of any kind and if you're there and you cheer this asshole then you're not a fan.  You're a fucking loser.  Yea the Sox honored Mariano and Jeter.  Well guess what?  They deserved it.  Those are two universally revered players.  No one of sound mind could ever dislike Mariano for any reason and if you don't like Jeter then you're fat and ugly.  I can prove it.

Now a legitimate sports radio personality #boomerandcarton

A video posted by @mike_meeyan on Jul 16, 2014 at 2:38pm PDT

These new plastic beer pong cups suck

YAHOO - You know the game: Two teams arrange 6-10 plastic red Solo cups into a triangle shape at opposite ends of a table, fill each cup with cheap beer, then take turns skillfully (or not) arcing a ping pong ball into them. Hook a ball into your opponent’s cup, and he or she has to down the beer inside. 

It’s simple. It’s fun. There’s lots of drinking. And nothing much has changed for, well, ever. That is, until beer pong aficionados (and mechanical engineers!) William Heimsoth & Aaron Attebery unveiled Hexcup on Kickstarter. 

Hexcup is the classic red plastic Solo party cup reimagined. Instead of a round, smooth rim, it features a hexagonal shape and a reinforced base. It is, as its makers say, “the best beer pong cup in the world” and “an improved way to play.” 

Why? Per Heimsoth and Attebery’s research, the Hexcup solves game problems like:

First of all anybody who says they're too old for beer pong can fuck off.  If you're at a backyard bbq and there's a pong table set up and you don't get that itch then I don't want to know you.  I went to a graduation party this summer and fucking ran the table against a bunch of 21-year-olds.  Felt like Tim Riggins when coach let him suit up in practice after he graduated.

Anyway these cups SUCK.  What's improved about it?  It's easier to play?  It's easier to rack?  It's supposed to be challenging.  I'd be sinking shots like Chauncy Billips with this equipment.  My cups shouldn't be shaped like a fucking hexagon, perfectly racked alongside one another with some sort of reinforced lead base.  Pong is about smooth cylinders vaguely positioned together as they slip all over the table.  It's about 45 minute games where nobody can hit a cup and only end when someone stops paying attention and wanders off.  It's what separates the men from the boys.

PS - I was playing one-on-one beer pong with my gf in college and she was beating me so bad I puked all over her dorm room floor.  Things were never the same after that.

Francesa announces he's going to retire after 2017

Wow.  In the back of my mind I kind of just thought Mike was going to keep this up forever but here were are.  The Mike Francesa Farewell Tour.  Not surprising he announced it two years in advance.  One-year farewell tours are for peasants.

I have the same thought process today as I had the days Mariano and Jeter announced their retirements.  Thank god for the extended notice.  Without enough time to process this information I'm not sure how I'd handle it.  I listen to Mike every single day that he's on.  I wake up early when I'm hungover on Sunday just to listen to him before football starts.  He's the most consistent pillar in my daily routine.  I don't know how he did it.  Intentionally or unintentionally, Mike's the single most entertaining, fascinating figure in sports media history.  The fact that he's been able to stay on top for so long and attract new generations of followers and fans despite completely dismissing social media and every technological advancement since 1990 is mindboggling.  There's going to be a moment in 2018 where I'm going to look up at the clock, it's going to read 1pm, I'm going to turn on WFAN and the Mike's On theme song is NOT going to be playing.  It's going to be one of the saddest moments of my entire existence.

PS -  If Mike chooses to keep working his post-FAN career may actually surpass his current career.  All I really need is a live feed of him in his Sunday attire watching football all day.  That would get billions of views.  I'd buy another TV just to watch that.

MLB Offseason - Weekend Roundup

What a great weekend of football. Can't wait for Championship Sunday.

A photo posted by Alex Rodriguez (@arod) on Jan 17, 2016 at 8:11pm PST

If you were like Alex and I you spent this weekend with your feet up enjoying the NFL playoffs.  Maybe you got up to go out to a bar and watch Aaron Rodgers ruin your 7 point Arizona cover.  Maybe you didn't.  But a few things happened in the baseball world that got lost in the shuffle so let's cover our bases.


Chapman, Eovaldi, Didi and Nova all file for arbitration

The Yanks are pretty close to terms on the three former players - it's Chapman's case that may actually end up going to trial.  As it stands the two sides are more than $4 million apart (the Yanks look like they're trying to lowball him IMO).  They offered him $9 million - a $1 million raise from last season - where his projected figure had been set at around 12.9 (he's asking for 13.1).  The Yanks may be trying to capitalize off this pending investigation into domestic violence allegations but I have a feeling it'll be Chapman getting what he wants and not the other way around.

Marlins and Dee Gordon finalize a 5-year, $50 million extension

Pretty nice bargain for the Marlins - 10 mil a year for a guy who just won the batting title and lead the league in stolen bases.  And a pretty cool story for a guy who looked like he'd completely lost the ability to play baseball a couple of years ago.  It'd be a bummer for him to have to spend the next five seasons playing for Miami but by becoming a Marlin he's been permanently placed on the trading block by proxy.

Ian Kennedy to the Royals for 5 years, 70 mil

I never thought I'd see the day that Ian Kennedy would be making this kind of money.  The market for starting pitching right now is absolutely outrageous.  This dude had 15 losses and a 4.28 ERA pitching in Petco Park last year.  But like the Yankees, the Royals aren't going to be asking a whole lot from their starting pitchers.  If he makes 30 starts with a 4.50 ERA he can win 15 games this year easily.  Certainly worth it for them.

Orioles sign Chris Davis, 7-years - 161 mil

Wrote this a couple of days ago - unfortunate news that Chris Davis is going to be spending the next 7 seasons hitting against the Yankees twenty times a year.  He might be the most dangerous hitter in the game when he has been spending the entire pregame blowing crushed up addies gets hot.  It also sets the market for Justin Upton higher than I would've liked but that's still a pipe dream at this point.  I wouldn't worry about this move changing the complexion of the AL East this year.  Davis generally sucks every other season and he just lead the league in homers so expect either a .190 BA in 2016 or another lost application for a therapeutic use exemption. 

Jake Arrieta, Cubs can't come to terms on arbitration

The cubs offered Arrieta and absurd $7 million for 2016.  Considering the pitching market and the fact that they just agreed to pay Jon Lackey $32 mil for the next two seasons I'd say the Cubs should maybe go back into their pockets and compensate this man properly for one of the best pitching performances in their franchise's tortured history.

Jansen, Strasburgh and Harvey all agree to terms - Josh Donaldson and Blue Jays almost together

It is so infuriating as a Yankee fan to glance over Josh Donaldson's contract and accept the fact that he's under team control through the 2018 season.  How we probably had the same bag of balls to ship over to Billy Bean's office in order to get him.  And how instead we'll be paying Chase Headley $13 million a year for the next three years to be one of the worst players in baseball.

It's pretty crazy how good Kenley Jansen is.  I feel like nobody ever talks about him.  His numbers aren't quite as impressive as Chapman's but they're up there.  He'll make $10.65 million this year and will be in line with Chapman to receive the two richest contracts ever for relief pitchers in 2017.

The fact that Stephen Strasburgh is making more than twice as much as Matt Harvey this year is outrageous.  Now Harvey is making more than 5 times this season what he made last season so there's that, but it's pretty incredible how Strasburgh has been surpassed as the next big thing by about four other pitchers in the NL East.  He hasn't lived up to the hype but he hasn't exactly been a slouch with a career 3.09 ERA.

Players who are drafted out of high school may now hire agents to negotiate with teams before they decide to go to school or not

You would think this would lead to higher bonuses for first-round selections but it probably wont.  If someone offers you an $6 million signing bonus as a 17-year-old your agent probably isn't going to be able to leverage the team with a scholarship to Long Beach State.

Travis Kelce mocks Brady's pregame tantrum routine

The Goat is ready! Let's gooooooo! #patsnation

A video posted by J. Gomes (@cvboyswagg) on Jan 16, 2016 at 12:58pm PST

Tom Brady is probably the best quarterback of all time so he's kind of entitled to do whatever he wants to get ready for a game but I fucking hate these little fits he throws.  Travis Kelce is a goddamn monster and he doesn't need some mary who can't benchpress 135 pounds jumping around in his face and screaming like he's going to hit someone.  Mocking the greatest qb of all time right before a playoff game is a ballsy play but I love Travis Kelce so I love the move.

O's resign Chris Davis, 7-years, $161 mil

Unfortunate news that Chris Davis is going to be spending the next 7 seasons hitting against the Yankees twenty times a year.  He might be the most dangerous hitter in the game when he has been spending the entire pregame blowing crushed up addies gets hot.  It also sets the market for Justin Upton higher than I would've liked but that's still a pipe dream at this point.  I wouldn't worry about this move changing the complexion of the AL East this year.  Davis generally sucks every other season and he just lead the league in homers so expect either a .190 BA in 2016 or another lost application for a therapeutic use exemption.

Please bring me Justin Upton

The door has pretty much closed on this Yankee offseason and it looks like we're about to go an entire year without a major league free-agent signing.  Cashman hasn't exactly been standing around with his dick in his hand but these last two winters have certainly left something to be desired.  I'm not saying the Yankees need to go out and sign Justin Upton just to sign Justin Upton but if they can get a decent return on Brett Gardner, whether it's in the form of young minor league starting pitchers or major league infield depth, I think they need to pull the trigger.

Justin Upton is not a great player by any stretch.  He strikes out a ton and he's limited defensively but he hits fucking BOMBS.  Plus he swings from the right side, is extremely durable, is four years younger than Gardner and is going to cost WAY less than everyone projected he would two months ago.

I've never been the biggest Upton fan so this is probably more about me wanting to get rid of Gardner than anything else.  I love Brett but there's a carbon copy of him playing in centerfield.  We need to balance this lineup.  Sure Upton's game encompasses many of the flaws of the 2015 lineup.  He's a guy who's probably going to be challenged by good pitching but so was Gardner for the last 3 months of the season.  I won't be doing backflips if Cashman pulls this off but it would be a nice, sexy transaction that would take everyone by surprise and remind us all why being a Yankee fan is so great (most of the time).

El Chapo got caught because he was sweet on Kate Del Castillo, not because Sean Penn

MEXICO CITY (AP) — Transcripts of over a month of text messages between drug lord Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman and Mexican actress Kate del Castillo showed the capo was less interested in making a movie about his life than he was in flirting with the actress.

The transcripts published Wednesday by the newspaper Milenio — and confirmed as authentic by a federal official — showed that Guzman's main concern was getting face-to-face get-togethers with Del Castillo, and that he didn't even really know who Sean Penn was.

Penn has acknowledged that he tagged along for the Oct. 2 meeting at a mountain hideout originally set up by Del Castillo.

"What's that actor's name?" the account identified as Guzman's writes in one message. He later asks his lawyers to tell him what movies Penn has appeared in. Even when Guzman dedicated a video statement as an "exclusive for" Del Castillo and Penn, the drug lord stumbles over Penn's first name, pronouncing it "SAY-ahn."

The federal official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because he or she was not authorized to be quoted by name, said the dozens of texts were authentic. Many expressed admiration and a longing for the next meeting, more than concern about the purported movie project.

"I'll tell you, I am more excited about you than the (movie) script," Guzman wrote to Del Castillo. He identified her identified in his chat or text account as "ermoza," a misspelling of the Spanish word for "beautiful." ''I'll take care of you," he adds.

How relatable is this guy?  El Chapo is you.  He is me.  He is every guy who's ever seen his life progress stagnate because he can't shake a chick.  It doesn't matter if your the most powerful criminal on the planet or the average Joe secretly wearing the same two pairs of chinos to work every other day, hot girls get you off your game.  Kate comes into his life and suddenly Chapo doesn't see a drug kingpin with zillions of dollars when he looks in the mirror anymore.  

Now he just sees Joaquin, the flabby middle-aged guy who's sex drive isn't quite what it used to be.  

This is pretty good news for Sean Penn cause now he's off the hook.  The greatest trick the media ever pulled was convincing us that the allure of a pristine actor like Sean Penn drew El Chapo out of the bushes and into the hands of law enforcement.  He got caught because he was chasing Del Castillo and he didn't care.  Said he knew that cops were on their tail and just kept after it.  Rules apply for every guy.  If there's a .01% chance of getting laid you're obliged to risk anything and everything to make it happen, global warrants notwithstanding.  He didn't even know who Sean Penn was.  Chapo probably thought he was the fucking camera man and dismissed him like Shooter McGavin.

Sean:  "Hey Chapo, it's great to meet you.  I've got some wonderful ideas for where we should...

Chapo:  "Hey, you know what would be great?  If I could get a Pepsi....

Sean:  "Umm..ok..."

Chapo:  "And SAY-ann?....diet."

Jessica Mendoza joins the ESPN booth on Sunday Night Baseball

YAHOO - After bursting onto the major-league broadcasting scene in 2015, Jessica Mendoza is about to become a fixture on ESPN's flagship baseball broadcast.

ESPN is making some significant changes to its announcing teams for the 2016 season and the biggest news is that Mendoza is joining Sunday Night Baseball on a permanent basis. Aaron Boone is also a new addition to the Sunday Night team, while Dan Shulman remains as the play-by-play voice.

Mendoza, a longtime softball star for the U.S. national team, had worked the Women's College World Series (a role she'll continue to fill, at her request) and received a few other assignments on the network before getting the opportunity to be the first woman to sit in as an analyst for a major-league game broadcast on ESPN last August. She then stepped in for Curt Schilling on Sunday Night Baseball for the final month of the 2015 season when he was suspended. She was also on the call for the AL wild-card game.

The rest of ESPN's reshuffle goes as follows: Schilling takes Boone's spot on the Monday Night broadcast and former Sunday Night running mate John Kruk returns to Baseball Tonight.

John Wildhack, ESPN's executive vice president for programming and production, said of Mendoza in a statement: "Jessica made history in 2015, and most importantly, showed she belonged in a prominent role on ESPN’s MLB coverage. Her stellar analysis and undisputed credibility, combined with the instant chemistry she formed with booth-mates, made it clear she has earned this spot on Sunday Night Baseball going forward."

Mendoza impressed us with her knowledge and passion for baseball during her handful of appearances in the booth last season and it only stands to reason that she'll get more comfortable as she calls more games. She's still going to have to deal with unwarranted negativity because she's a woman – just take a look at Twitter or remember the Atlanta radio host who ranted against her in the postseason. 

But she's already proven she can handle that. 

I don't think this is a big deal but I'm sure there are plenty of assholes who do so I just want to say this - if you can't handle the Sunday Night Baseball package because a chick is in the booth then you're a fucking moron and you're probably not even that into baseball to begin with.

The Sunday Night broadcast team STINKS.  Curt Schilling mumbles and babbles the whole time.  John Kruk look like he doesn't even want to be there.  Half the time I'm pretty sure he cuts out after the 7th inning and nobody even notices.  She's not a former player (no matter what ESPN tries to tell you) so her insight is limited but that doesn't mean she's going to ruin the broadcast.  She clearly eats and sleeps baseball and despite what you bozos at home think, she knows more than you do.  Also the bar is set really low throughout baseball for broadcast teams.  Pretty much every booth stinks outside of SNY.  Just don't be annoying and I'm onboard.  If I can watch the game without being distracted by how awful you are then you're doing your job in my book.

I have hardly any experience working in the media so you should take my opinion with a grain of salt but if I had one piece of advice to offer females breaking into the sports broadcasting world it's to just have a sense of humor.  Girls make guys nervous and for guys sports is about relaxing, being entertained and participating in vaguely sexist commentary.  I listen to the Around the NFL podcast every week and they have chicks on all the time talking about football and it works because they're knowledgable and they aren't afraid to laugh at themselves.  If she can do that it should be a good booth to listen to.

The real story here is Aaron Boone making his way to the booth on a permanent basis.  I don't even know if he's any good or not.  I'm so drunk in nostalgia every time I see his face or hear him talk my mind turns into mush.

PS - This is Aaron Boone imitating Joe Torre's walk.  Sneaky one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Spot on.

RIP Hans Gruber

Alan Rickman, the British film and theater actor, has died in London at the age of 69, according to U.K. media reports Thursday. 

His death was confirmed by his family, the Guardian paper said. Rickman had been suffering from cancer.

Rickman is known for a number of roles, including that of Professor Snape in the Harry Potter films. He also starred as Hans Gruber, the villain in the Bruce Willis vehicle “Die Hard,” and as the Sheriff of Nottingham in 1991’s “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.”

What sad news to wake up to.  Celebrity deaths don't often hit me hard very but this one absolutely does.  Hans is probably my favorite movie character of all time and make no mistake, this is Hans Gruber we're talking about.  We aren't mourning fucking Severus Snape.  I don't even know who that is.  I watched like two of those movies and couldn't pay attention because I couldn't wrap my brain around why Hans was in a dirty robe and not a John Phillps suit.  If you're throwing up RIP SNAPE posts today that's pretty much all I need to know about you as a person.  GTFO.  Hans Gruber should be unanimously inducted into the movie villain hall of fame and Snape shouldn't even be on the fucking ballot.