The Yankees had a raccoon infestation at camp over the weekend

Fact about me - I am fucking petrified of raccoons.  I've been able to shake most of my childhood fears as I've gotten older but my fear of coons has just gotten stronger like a piece of oak.  When I get home and see that my garbage has been overturned I don't even THINK about cleaning it up cause I'm afraid the coon may still be lurking.  It's a mad dash to the front door.  I was playing golf once and a family of them came over to us to crawl into the garbage near the tee box and I just drove away in the cart with everyone's clubs and didn't play the hole.  I swear to god if I ever walked into Yankee Stadium and saw this fucking thing peering at me from behind a seat



















I don't think I'd ever walk into another Yankee game ever again.  

Who said it's boring at Yankee camp? Today we have a raccoon standoff (it ends well!!) pic.twitter.com/nxsLFsEbxw

— Marly Rivera ~ ESPN (@MarlyRiveraESPN) February 28, 2016

I don't know who this guy is who went up on an aerial lift to battle this vermin a hundred feet up off the ground but I'm pretty sure he deserves a medal of valor.  Tossed that motherfucker off the screen like the Undertaker throwing Mankind off the top of hell-in-a-cell.  

I don't think my fear is without merit.  Raccoons are fucking terrifying.  They're revolting, evil creatures.  Look at this thing



I've never heard a raccoon hiss before but I'd imagine it sounds like something out of a Stephen King movie.  These things are pure evil.  If I ever win an Oscar I'm going to spend my speech talking about how we need to eradicate these things.  I thought maybe we knocked one off over the weekend but it looks like this guy survived that fall and made it out of the stadium.  We can only pray on his way across the Dale Mabry Highway he was pulverized by an 18-wheeler.

Gardner already hurt, still recovering from bone bruise

Brett Gardner is not participating in drills early in camp, recovering from bone bruise sustained during Wild Card game.

— Bryan Hoch (@BryanHoch) February 25, 2016

And so it begins.  I'm honestly not that worried because I don't give a shit about Gardner.  I love him and I've always loved the way he plays but he's EXTREMELY replaceable.  He doesn't do a single exceptional thing on the field or at the plate.  That's why the Yanks went to the winter meetings hat-in-hand trying to get something back for him and couldn't get a look.  The prospects of 2016 are hardly hinged to whether or not Gardner's at full strength.  There are other guys capable of hitting two in this lineup.

Though it honestly it doesn't seem like that big of an issue.  Apparently the last MRI showed significant improvement but still, this shit happened 4 1/2 months ago.  Tex's bone bruise was supposed to be a day-to-day thing and he almost died.  Who knows what's going to happen here.  This is exactly why the Yankees are talking about Aaron Hicks like an everyday player and not a fourth outfielder.  The thing the Yankees are best and most consistent at is getting hurt.

Rob Refsnyder is going to get a chance at third base

Brian Cashman said Rob Refsnyder will get some work at 3B this spring in preparation for possible backup role to... https://t.co/VcvPvIKLVg

— wallace matthews (@ESPNNYYankees) February 25, 2016

Pretty much a no-brainer here.  It's safe to say that in terms of prospect development Refsnyder is lagging behind.  A lot of people predicted (at least I was hoping) that he was going to win the starting job at second out of camp last season and he never even came close.  He's going to be 25 this season so it's probably time to see if you're ever going to get anything out of this guy.  He's got no chance to see time at second now that Castro's here and Ackley is in the mix.  There's so much outfield depth on this team and in the organization that he probably wouldn't get a chance out there if he stuck around for ten more years.

That leaves third base.  Lucky for Refsnyder that's probably the Yankees' biggest negative right now.  I wouldn't exactly call it a hole, but Headley was the worst everyday player on the team last year.  An absolute nightmare defensively, lousy with the bat and we're stuck with him for the next three years at $13 million per.  If Headley picks up this year where he left off there's definitely going to be an opportunity for ABs, especially against left-handed pitching.  And who knows?  If Refsnyder shows something early on he may turn into a valuable deadline trade chip.

The problem of course is going to be the transition.  I don't know Refnsyder well enough to forecast the kind of third baseman he'll be.  The hot corner is completely reactionary.  I have no idea if he has the arm either (he came up an outfielder so it can't be that awful, right?).  But it's definitely worth a shot.  Last year the bar was set at 23 errors so it'll be hard to disappoint.

Here's to hoping A-Rod isn't done dominating social media

On the road again. Headed to camp. #SpringTraining #Yankees

A video posted by Alex Rodriguez (@arod) on Feb 23, 2016 at 11:28am PST

Incase you haven't noticed, A-Rod is a must-follow on Instagram.  Dude grams his tits off as much as any athlete out there.  He posts more than your 15-year-old sister and is just as ridiculous.  Selfies, posing for pictures trying to pawn them off as candid moments, inspirational quotes, the whole shebang.  Completely unlike anything you ever thought you'd see out of him throughout his career. A-Rod's presence on social media plays because a) he's been performing and b) A-Rod the person is a joke now.  Nobody takes him seriously when he's posing for pictures with his daughters or speaking to seven groggy students at a lecture hall at the University of Miami.  It's hilarious because when he posts these things he actually thinks he's convincing people that he's a great dad or a great guy when in reality nobody gives a shit anymore.  

My worry is that if/when A-Rod's performance finally starts to fall off that his presence on social media will get annoying.  That if he comes out of the gate hitting .200 through May that those dorky photos of him managing his inbox will become more irritating than amusing.  Or maybe he'll just stop posting all together.  Who knows.  Either way, the only thing I want more than a World Series this season is to enjoy one vicariously through @arod and that's going to be awfully difficult to do if he becomes a strain on the lineup.

Toughest part about spring training. Every year. #Family #MyGirls

A photo posted by Alex Rodriguez (@arod) on Feb 23, 2016 at 3:53pm PST

Great time speaking to @univmiami's MBA for Artists & Athletes. Thanks for a great discussion.

A photo posted by Alex Rodriguez (@arod) on Feb 19, 2016 at 8:54pm PST

#TBT

A photo posted by Alex Rodriguez (@arod) on Jan 14, 2016 at 8:59am PST

Found some @miamihurricanes fans @aaarena before the @miamiheat - @bucks game. #ItsAllAboutTheU

A photo posted by Alex Rodriguez (@arod) on Jan 19, 2016 at 7:36pm PST

David Ortiz wants a standing ovation at Yankee Stadium

CBS - Over the winter Red Sox DH David Ortiz announced the 2016 season will be his last as a player. He's going to retire following the season after 20 productive years in the big leagues, including 14 in Boston.

Although Ortiz has said he doesn't want a farewell tour a la Chipper Jones, Paul Konerko, Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera, he may end up getting one anyway. I'm sure teams around the league will give him gifts and whatnot as he comes through town for the last time.

Ortiz will make his final regular-season trip to Yankee Stadium from Sept. 27-29, in the second to last series of the year. He told Kevin Kernan of the New York Post he hopes fans in the Bronx will give him a standing ovation.

“You know what I want most of all?'' Big Papi told The Post on Tuesday at JetBlue Park. “I would love it if the fans at Yankee Stadium gave me a standing ovation.''

To be fair, Red Sox fans gave Jeter and Rivera standing ovations during their last visits to Fenway Park a few years ago. It's only fair for Yankee fans to reciprocate with Ortiz, right?

Of course, Big Papi has tortured the Yankees over the years. He's a career .306/.395/.565 hitter with 47 home runs in 224 games against New York. That includes a .237/.339/.480 line with 12 homers in 52 games at the current incarnation of Yankee Stadium.

I'm sure the Yankees will do something to honor Ortiz in September after the Red Sox honored Jeter and Rivera. Will the fans give him a standing ovation? My guess is they will do so begrudgingly.

How lame is Big Papi?  I touched on this last month when Hal said the Yankees may honor Ortiz in some capacity this year.  Any alleged Yankee fan that would get up out of their seat and applaud David Ortiz is such a fake loser and a tremendous pussy I can't even wrap my brain around it.  Even if this happened organically I'd fucking puke all over myself.  But now this asshole is going to come into Yankee Stadium for his last game all entitled, expecting a fucking standing ovation.  GTFO.  

I guess there are actually people out there who think the Yankees and their fans are going to go through with this.  What fucking planet are you living on?  When do you think this ovation is going to come?  After you pimp another home run off Brandon Pinder in a 9-0 game you think you're going to get a fucking curtain call?  Maybe it'll come after they unveil your plaque out in monument park commemorating the day you threw a hissy fit at Yankee Stadium when you got outed as a steroid cheat.  Even if you did get honored you'd probably be too busy back at the clubhouse calling the official scorer to bitch about an error you want changed to a hit.  And give me a break with the Jeter/Mariano comparisons.  Guess what?  Those are all-time good guys.  You're not a good guy.  Good guys get honored.  Assholes don't.  Pretty simple stuff.

The Yankees and their fans take a lot of shit about how the new stadium has no juice and it's not a real ballpark and there aren't any reals fans there and blah blah blah.  Here's how you fix it - boo the absolute shit out of this guy at his last game.  Send him off into retirement with his tail between his legs.  That's how you revamp the rivalry.  That's how you bring back some of that coldblooded energy that used to permeate the old stadium.  And don't tell me that wouldn't bother him.  He just said the admiration of Yankee fans is important to him.  The guy is so out of touch with reality because he's been teflon his entire career that he actually thinks Yankee fans owe him something.  It'd be nice to let him know once and for all that he may have gotten a free pass with the rest of the world but he doesn't have one in the Bronx.  

#R3SP4CT

It looks like Beltran is going to take Aaron Judge under his wing

TAMPA — Carlos Beltran’s spring locker is tucked into a corner of the clubhouse at George M. Steinbrenner Field. Make a hard right after coming through the door, pass some pitchers who are trying to make the club, and you’re headed right for it.

Just before reaching Beltran’s spot, you’ll find the locker belonging to Aaron Judge, perhaps the Yankees’ best position player prospect. Beltran asked to have Judge nearby because he wants to guide the player who most believe will succeed him in a year as the Yanks’ right fielder.

“He’s a guy, the future of this organization, and I feel like I’ll help him,” Beltran said Monday after a pre-camp workout at the Yankees’ minor-league complex. “When I was growing up and in the big leagues the first year, I had some veteran guys who took care of me, helped me, along the way.

I never really figured Carlos Beltran for the mentoring type so this is nice to hear.  I remember that drill he invented with the Mets where he'd stand in front of a pitching machine and have tennis balls shot at him at like 130mph with numbers written on them and then he'd have to call them out.  Hopefully Judge will master that by April and cutdown on his 32% K rate in Scranton last year.  Overall it's nice to hear that in what may be Beltran's last major league season he's taking the time out to mentor a budding star and isn't just mailing it in.

As for Judge, I don't know what his prospects are for this season.  I feel like there's like a 50-50 shot he makes the club at some point.  The first thing that's going to need to happen is he's going to have to adjust to AAA pitching.  If he can get his slash-line up to the level it was at in Trenton there's a chance that when he spot opens up (most likely due to injury to either Ellsbury, Beltran or Gardner) he could get the call but I don't think they'd bring him up just for depth.  If Aaron Hicks or Dustin Ackley prove that they can handle a more consistent role then Judge may be out of luck.  If not he may be up sooner than we thought but ultimately it's going to fall on his shoulders.  He's going to have to get better.

Pitchers and catchers baby

Today is a beautiful day.  Sure, maybe you woke up this morning and it was 28 degrees out and you slipped on ice on your way to your car that still hadn't warmed up by the time you got in even though you started it ten minutes ago.  But somewhere a thousand miles away pitchers and catchers reported at Yankee camp and that means baseball is back.  And by back I mean we're going to be looking at pictures of guys stretching and reading about Tanaka's elbow for the next two weeks. 

Unfortunately not every February in Tampa is as exciting as last year's was when A-Rod hijacked the entire city by arriving to camp three days early in a Hurricane's jumpsuit carrying his mysterious package.

The narrative this spring is pretty much the same as it was last year - question marks about health and performance and no player epitomizes that more than Mark Teixeira.  His injury history and the absence of Greg Bird are the number one reason to be pessimistic about this season.  When Tex is on the field he's their best two-way player and it isn't particularly close.  When he's hurt, and he's going to get hurt, it's going to be impossible to replace what he adds to the lineup in terms of power and balance and the drop-off defensively is going to be even more staggering.  You can't ask Dustin Ackley to cleanly pick three throws a game from Chase Headley.

In terms of performance, the biggest question mark in my mind is Starlin Castro.  If he realizes his full potential he may be their biggest everyday asset.  They're going to ask him to play some third this spring and if he can handle that it'll give Girardi the flexibility to put a much more dangerous lineup on the field day-in and day-out than if he has to look to Pete Kozma or Ronald Torreyes for infield depth.  Offensively, there's a reason Castro has amassed almost 1,000 hits at the age of 25.  The dude has a stick and despite a disappointing season overall he hit .353/.374/.594 in 44 games after moving to second towards the end of last year.  A right-handed bat that can hit like that is exactly what the Yankees were missing last season.  Best case scenario is Castro hits his way to the top of the lineup and rounds out the infield depth by backing up Headley at third when needed.

I'm more concerned about pitching depth than I am about the questions marks surrounding the rotation - and there are plenty of them.  Will Tanaka ever be as dominant as he was when he burst onto the scene and before he tore his UCL?  Can Pineda log 200 innings and figure out a way to get outs when he doesn't have a his good slider?  Can Eovaldi build off what he found in his splitter last summer?  Will Severino be able to progress now that the league has a book on him?  Can CC round out the rotation and keep them in games?  Only time will tell.  But if one of these guys goes down it won't be Adam Warren stepping in to keep them in games - it'll be Ivan Nova.  A guy who threw a few games towards the end of last season that left you wondering whether or not he was capable of pitching in the majors anymore.  Bryan Mitchell is a poor man's Adam Warren and the rest of the crew down in Scranton is completely untested.  That's why the Justin Wilson deal made sense (especially after getting Chapman).  The Yankees need starting pitching depth and they got it for a guy who was pretty much their fourth best reliever last year.

The most exciting part of spring training is obviously going to be seeing some of the kids and watching the bullpen.  The only clear-cut, special part of this team are the three guys at the back.  Stop saying it's "one of" the best bullpens in baseball.  It might be the best bullpen of all-time and it hasn't even thrown a pitch yet.  Even when/if Chapman's suspension comes down (it could come any day) he's still permitted to participate in spring games and that's going to be awesome to watch.  All this rotation has to do is tread water and walk away with leads in the 6th inning in a little more than half of it's games and this team is going to with the AL East.  That's a big if though.

Yankees to discontinue printable tickets this season

NJ.COM - Make sure those iPhones are charged, Yankees fans.

Starting this season—Opening Day: April 4—fans will no longer be able to use print-at-home tickets (PDF-style) to get into Yankee Stadium in the Bronx.

Instead, fans going to games will need actual tickets, like official ones, or have them on their smartphones.

It's all about protecting against fraud, the team said. Wrote the Yankees in an email Monday:

"As the Yankees are continuously striving to implement technological advances to provide our fans with a ticketing experience that is unparalleled, convenient, safe and secure, the Yankees are excited to announce, as a complement to traditional hard stock paper tickets, the availability of mobile ticketing for the 2016 baseball season. 

Print-at-home paper tickets (PDFs) are being discontinued so as to further combat fraud and counterfeiting of tickets associated with print-at-home paper tickets (PDFs). In addition to traditional hard stock paper tickets, the Yankees will be offering the opportunity for fans to receive mobile tickets on a fan's Smartphone.  For more information on mobile ticketing, visit yankees.com/mobile."

This is obviously not about counterfeit tickets or protecting the customer.  It's about the Yankees cornering the secondary market.  This is about other people making money off them.  Not being able to sell printable tickets on sites like StubHub hurts season ticket holders.  It hurts the average fan who makes an impromptu decision to head up to the Bronx on a summer night to catch a game.  It eliminates the opportunity to buy day-of-game tickets at their lowest price.  The only people that stand to benefit from this are the Yankees and the raw, grassroots ticket scalper standing outside McDonalds wearing a old wool Yankees jacket in the middle of August.  If you want to buy tickets the day of the game you're either going to have to buy them at face value from the team or at or above the price floor set by the Yankees Ticket Exchange.  It sucks for everyone.

Is it going to result in more fans at the games?  It might.  It might not.  A lot of those seats go unsold because people hold out hope and keep their tickets on sale until two hours before the game starts and then nobody buys them.  Now there's a little more pressure on them to get those tickets sold ahead of time.  But you're still going to see a trillion empty seats at first pitch.  Between Studio 54 underneath the legends seats, the new metal detector protocol and these newfangled telephone tickets I wouldn't count on every fan reaching their seat until about the fifth inning.

Girl sends Valentine's Day texts to 17 random dudes in her contacts

DAILY MAIL - A woman found an innovative way to make sure her Valentine's Day was a memorable one - by texting 17 random men whose numbers were in her phone after meeting them on nights out.

Blogger Victoria Trocino, 22, who lives in Dublin but is originally from New York, decided to wish some of her old flames a happy Valentine's Day with hilarious results.

One man suggested the student should add him on LinkedIn after making unfavourable comments about his girlfriend's intelligence, while another asked if she had 'yellow hair and big t**s'.

'Like I’m sure a ton of us do, I now have a contact list filled with first names or code names of random guys I’ve met out,' Victoria wrote in a blog post entitled A Valentine's Hey. 

'We’ve all been there: we go out, we have fun, we meet someone who is engaging, funny, flirty, and totally drunk. 

'We dance and maybe kiss at one point but we both know it’s not going anywhere. So we exchange numbers as a formality and leave with our respective friends, never to speak to that person again.'

Victoria opened her texts by simply saying: 'Happy Valentine's Day'. 

But she explained to FEMAIL that it was merely a coincidence that she got the idea to text her old flames on the romantic occasion. 

'My friend encouraged me to do it, as a joke. I sent her the screen shots after I sent the Valentine's Day message and that was a joke enough for us,' she recalled. 

'I set down my phone and wasn't expecting any texts back. Eventually my phone started buzzing and you know the rest. I was absolutely blow away by the results.' 

I didn't find this funny but I did find it interesting.  At first I wished I'd thought of it but then I realized   this only works if you're a chick.  I probably have just as many random contacts in my phone from girls I met out at a bar who gave me their number as a courtesy and never talked to me again.  If I were to cast a net that wide on Valentine's Day it might yield one or two responses out of civility.  Like 'you too!' or 'thanks!'.  On the other side, guys don't give girls their number as a courtesy.  When a dude gives you his number that is a lifetime invitation to hookup.  That's why we don't delete those numbers.  You may have gotten a "Hey, who's this?" but we know exactly who you are.  If we really didn't have your number saved we'd pretend like we did and try to inveigle context clues out of you until we figured it out.  So don't give me that bullshit about not expecting any texts back Victoria.  You're not stupid.  You know how the world works.  If Stacy McSorley's decides to randomly text me on Valentine's Day I'm going to look at that as a second shot at glory.  We're either going to rekindle that flame or you're going to have to change your number.

Poll shows what people are willing to do to get rid of their student loans

WASHINGTON -- How far would you go to pay off your student loans? Cut off a pinky finger? Take a punch from former professional boxer Mike Tyson? Give up social media for life?

A new poll shows some graduated student loan borrowers would willingly go to extremes to pay off outstanding student debt. That includes pain, suffering and, possibly, a move to Syria.

"We think it is clear that current student loan borrowers are feeling pressured by their debt," said Nate Matherson of Lendedu, an online company that provides information about loan refinancing options. "Unfortunately, none of these options are currently available under the Department of Education's Public Service Loan Forgiveness program."

This poll is pertinent for me because it was just last month that I made my first legitimate student loan payment and holy shit that was a shot to the solar plexus.  I'd been in grad school for the last two years so I had deferred my payments up until now and all that time I'd been living in La-La-Land.  I figured by the time I was all done studying I'd have a job that paid so well I wouldn't even notice those auto-debit charges on my checking account.  Now this debt owns me.  I'm not going to be able to make any progress in my life until I'm completely rid of it.  No new clothes.  No vacations.  No girlfriend until I'm at least 32.  I used to think my whole "forever alone" mentality was kind of a half-hearted joke but now it's pretty much set in stone.  It's basically mayonnaise sandwiches and pornhub on my neighbor's wifi until 2023.

So here were the eleven questions asked to people about what exactly they would and wouldn't be willing to do in order to expunge their student loan debt.  I figured there wouldn't be a single thing here I'd say no to but the questions were a little more complicated than I thought.

1.  57.89 percent would give up social media for life
I'm pretty sure ten years from now if you aren't literate in social media the only way you'll be able to hold a job is if you move to like Oklahoma and become a soybean farmer.  Not sure I'd be willing to do that.  It's a no for me.

2.  57.11 percent would give up coffee for life
I literally cannot put sentences together without coffee.  Can't do it.

3.  56.73 percent would take a punch from boxer Mike Tyson
Easy yes.  He could come to my house and punch me whenever he likes until the day he dies (not a huge window).

4.  56.14 percent would abstain from alcohol and drugs for life
I would love to think I could do this.  I long for the day where the excitement of my life doesn't revolve around when/where I'm drinking but I don't think it's coming anytime soon.  Can't do it.

5.  40.35 percent would take one year off life expectancy
Most stupid question I've ever heard in my life.

6.  35.67 percent would give up texting for life
Yes.  We can't be that far away from developing some sort of simpler way to communicate with one another.  Until them I'm off the grid.

7.  28.07 percent would name first-born daughter Sallie Mae
That's a really pretty name now that you mention it.

8.  20.47 percent would wear same outfit everyday for life
As long as I can wash it every night.  It'd be weird at first but I'm sure eventually people would stop asking you about it and you'd just be like Doug or Hey Arnold.

9.  6.47 percent would cut off pinky finger
Yes but I need someone else to do it for me.  I can't even put eyedrops in my eyes.

10.  4.68 percent would move to Syria for life
Not for one day and not for a trillion dollars.

11.  4.09 percent would contract a random sexually transmitted disease for life
Can't be random.  There's a few on that list I'd infect myself with right now just to duck my March payment but I'm not playing Russian roulette while some of those incurables are in the chamber (looking at you herpes).

Yanks are going to "honor" Mariano with a plaque out in monument park

TAMPA, Fla. -- The Yankees' 2016 promotional schedule is highlighted by a 20th anniversary celebration of the 1996 World Series championship team on Aug. 13 and the formal dedication of Mariano Rivera's Monument Park plaque on Aug. 14, it was announced on Thursday.

I'm never one of those guys who's up in arms every time the Yankees do something for an ex-player.  I understand it's a promotional tactic and I've accepted the fact that not even the hallowed history of the Yankees is sacred anymore (alternate New York Highlander jerseys coming this summer at an MLB shop near you).  But you have to keep everything on the level.  Nowadays unveiling a plaque at Yankee Stadium is about as special as Beanie Baby giveaway day.  Fucking Nelson Mandella has a plaque in Monument Park.  You want to go out and retire Jorge, Bernie and Andy's numbers?  Be my guest.  I love those guys.  But you haven't properly honored Mo until he gets a statue erected in the great hall like fucking Saddam Hussein's.

One week until pitchers and catchers

It feels like it never left.  Honestly this may have been the shortest stint of seasonal affective disorder I've ever had.  The day after the Super Bowl was one of the real low moments of my life.  A 24-hour anxiety attack.  But now it's Thursday, it's almost the weekend and we're just a week away until baseball players leave their homes to go somewhere else to workout before they play practice games for a month to get ready for real baseball games in April.  LETS GO.

The last couple of days have yielded a few interesting notes - the most important one was that Tanaka threw off a mound for the first time since having surgery to remove bone spurs from his elbow.  He felt fine and is on a regular schedule to begin the season so we can all kind of relax but not really relax.  I don't care if the spurs have been there since birth.  You can't just cut open Masahiro Tanaka's right elbow and expect me not to be worried about it.  I don't care if you were removing a wart.

Keith Law also released his list of the top farm systems in baseball and ranked the Yankees 13th, a seven spot jump from last year.  Law's list isn't gospel, but there's hardly anyone in the world who follows this stuff more carefully than he does.  Despite the Chapman trade and the removal of Bird and Severino from the prospect pool, the leap up the board was certainly merited.  The high-end guys - Aaron Judge, James Kaprielian and Jorge Mateo - all earned themselves an invite to spring training even if they're a ways away from donning pinstripes.  There are a number of guys who could probably step into big league roles right away if called upon (Slade Heathcott, Mason Williams).  James Pazos and Jacob Lindgren are going to challenge for a bullpen gig right out of camp.  The resurgent Gary Sanchez may be the frontrunner to backup Brian McCann.  Bryan Mitchell and Rob Refsnyder are also on the fringe of major league jobs.

This next month and a half is going to dictate a lot of what the 25-man roster looks like on April 4th against the Astros.  Two bench spots (catcher, infielder) and three bullpen openings are essentially up for grabs.  Mix that in with appearances from Judge, Mateo and Kaprielian and the Yankees have a lot of young guys to keep their eye on starting next Thursday.

Wake up with Donny Baseball's first playoff home run

My dad was at this game and still tells me to this day that this was the loudest Yankee Stadium has ever been.  I don't have any recollection of it but it sure seems awesome.  Those bleachers look like a goddamn mosh pit.  You'll never see that again in the Bronx.

Cam is a chicken shit

This sums up everything I needed to know about Cam. https://t.co/NyN6Le24Gj

— SaturdaysAreReserved (@SAR_Football) February 8, 2016

This is basically everything you need to know about Cam Newton in one play.  This is exactly why I've always said there's nothing special about Cam's personality.  He's not a warrior.  There's nothing about his will to win that enchants me as a football fan.  There's nothing captivating or interesting about a guy who can't get enough attention when things are going good and sits and sulks in the corner when things are going bad.  Last night Cam was so rattled by Dever's D and the moment in general that he couldn't even get it through his brain how important it was to recover that ball.  I can't think of one single quarterback who wouldn't have put his life on the line to keep that drive alive.  If Carolina was up 30 points like they usually are and that ball comes out he probably jumps on it cause that's Cam in his zone.  When everything's clicking he's the best player in the game.  You know how they say you can judge somebody's character on how they handle adversity?  Well that was Cam last night.  When he's kicking your ass he'll make sure EVERYONE knows about it.  But when he's getting his ass kicked he's either off in the corner sulking or not recovering loose balls that may decide the Super Bowl.

Now I don't think his postgame presser was "classless" or "rude" or anything.  I expect him to be dejected after losing the fucking Super Bowl.  I'm sure plenty of other guys on the Panthers and in the history of losing the Super Bowl answered questions that exact same way.  But that's not who Cam has been for the last 5 months.  He's been bombastic in every postgame press conference this season.  All year long all he's wanted was attention.  Dabbing and Supermanning all over the place.  Wearing MVP cleats before the Super Bowl with HIS name and all HIS own stats on them.  Coming off the plane in San Francisco in leopard spotted leggings.  Now he's pissy that he lost the biggest game of his life so he wants everyone to leave him alone.  Doesn't work like that.  I'm not saying he's not the franchise down there in Carolina but I guarantee you there's guys in that locker room questioning his leadership after last night.

Pop and Tim Duncan laugh in Salah Mejri's face after he taunts them down 21 points in the second quarter

Pop and Tim laughing about Meijri @poundingtherock pic.twitter.com/K7cfqGGET9

— Megan (@MegaMaz) February 6, 2016

Look at that smile!  I knew that rigid expression was just a facade.  I knew all this time deep down Pop was just a little kid trying to have fun.  After 20 years all it took was this clown chirping at him after finishing a dunk down 21 in the second quarter to make him crack.  

This had to be an incredibly humbling moment for Salah Mejri.  Imagine being such a clown, such a goddamn joke that you made Greg Popovich laugh out loud in the middle of a game.  Pop has probably laughed four times in his entire life.  And the most serious moment of Salah Mejri's life was one of those times.  Look at that reaction.  That's the look you give your friend when you're at a party and some drunk chick starts screaming at you for something stupid that you didn't even do.  The Spurs bench doesn't even bother jawing back.  Duncan's laughing so hard his face is in his lap.

This is the shit I'm talking about when I say I don't like Cam Newton dabbing after every first down.  It's the trickle-down effect.  If everyone acted like Cam this is what sports would look like.  Scrubs like Salah Mejri hootin and hollerin at the greatest coach of all time while his team's getting mutilated all because HE did something well.  So you go ahead and root for every clown with a choreographed song and dance prepared for every time they do something well.  I'll root for the guys who won't even get up out of their seats cause they're laughing too hard.

Yanks invite Jorge Mateo, Aaron Judge and James Kaprielian to camp

Here's a little something to get excited about as we're now less than two weeks away from pitchers and catchers.  Last year we got a little taste of Aaron Judge in the spring and now we get a chance to see the #1 prospect in the organization and the Yankees' highest draft pick in 22 years.  There hasn't been a lot to complain about since then but the one thing we have been deprived of as Yankee fans has been a batch of ubertalented prospects on the precipice of arriving to the bigs.  Though Kaprielian, Judge and especially Mateo are a ways away from arriving in the Bronx it'll be fun to see how these guys compete in a big league clubhouse against the quasi-major league talent that the grapefruit league has to offer.

The path to the bigs is far more expeditious for Judge and Kaprielian than it is for Mateo.  Although the 20-year-old shortstop drew comparisons to Jose Reyes last year by swiping 82 bags in 117 games across single-A Charleston and high-A Tampa, the combination of his inexperience and the current state of the big league middle infield is going to keep Mateo in the minor leagues for at least another couple of years.

On the other hand, Aaron Judge may be an injury and a strong start in Scranton away from landing in the Bronx in 2016.  The Yankees' contingency plan should there be an injury to Gardner, Ellsbury or Beltran is probably to start Aaron Hicks but who knows if he can handle that.  Dustin Ackley probably would get exposed in an everyday role, especially playing corner outfield.  It won't be difficult to open up a 40-man spot for Judge but he has to come out of the gate better than he ended last season.  After mashing at Trenton he really struggled upon being promoted to AAA, hitting .224 with 74 Ks in 260 plate appearances.  You always worry about a player with his kind of raw talent and power hitting a wall once the pitching gets too good for him.  Let's hope the early returns in March are positive.

Kaprielian may be the most realistic major league candidate of all the non-roster invitees this spring because of the Yankees' extremely thin starting pitching depth at the upper levels.  What he has working against him is that Ivan Nova and Bryan Mitchell are going to get the first cracks at the long reliever/spot starter role.  There's also the fact that Kaprielian is just 21 and only pitched 9 innings at short season Staten Island after being drafted last year.  All indications are that his stuff was just as dominant at the Penn League as it was at UCLA so it shouldn't be a surprise if a start to 2016 in Trenton is short lived.  Best case scenario would be a spot-start opportunity in the Bronx at some point later in the season.

Orioles trade for Odrisamer Despaigne, pitching continues to be a joke

I don't really understand what the Orioles' front office thinks a winning team looks like but thankfully it appears they're never going to figure it out.  This team has had a championship caliber lineup/bullpen for years.  The only thing holding them back has been godawful starting pitching and with so much of it available this winter you'd figure they would have made a run at somebody.  Zimmerman wasn't that expensive.  Maybe break the bank and lure Price from the Sox.  How how about just retaining the best pitcher you had?  Sorry, we're going into this season with literally the worst rotation in the history of baseball.  We've got fucking Ubaldo Jimenez as the chairman of the board.  Mike Gonzalez and Chris Tillman are lined up to pitch playoff games.  Then we're going to fill out the rest of the rotation with busts like Kevin Gausman and Dylan Bundy while borderline major leaguers like Odrisamer Despaigne and Mike Wright shuffle between the bullpen and the rotation all year trying to patch things up.  But hey, at least you spent $200 million on a set-up man and a first baseman who hit .196 two years ago. 

Wake up with Albert Belle crushing Fernando Vina

Can you imagine if that happened today?  They'd probably shut baseball down for a week just so everyone could regroup emotionally.  Nobody even came out of the dugout after this.  The announcer still isn't sure whether or not that was a dirty play.

It's plays like this that have Belle of the HOF ballot completely now.  Look at his numbers.  He was low-key one of the top ten most exciting players of the 90s.  In the most prolific offensive era in baseball history he led the league in RBIs three times and finished top 10 in the MVP five times.  In 12 seasons his 162 game average was .295 with 40 HR and 130 RBI.  His 1995 season is one of best offensive seasons in baseball history - .317, 50 HR, 52 doubles and 126 RBI.

Brady spends Michigan signing day chewing Jeter's ear off about losing in the AFC title game

Listen Tom, I understand you're upset.  We all know you're a great competitor (we can tell because you scream a lot) and that not being in the Super Bowl this weekend must be killing you but Derek Jeter does not want to hear your shit.  He didn't watch your game last weekend.  He doesn't even watch baseball.  He's busy planning a wedding and managing the hottest sports site in the world.  He doesn't have time to listen to you mope about how you couldn't move the ball an inch against the Broncos.


And how about these kids asking for a pic with the Captain and completely ignoring Brady.  That's a 4-time Super Bowl champion quarterback standing off on the side like he's Jeter's fucking intern.





It just goes to show you can be the greatest football player of all time but when you're standing next to Derek Jeter your just another schlub.  Kids from Ann Arbor are lining up to take pictures with Jeter when he's been retired for a year and a half.  The guy off to the left won the Super Bowl last year and they don't even know who the fuck he is.  This whole signing day thing is another example.  Brady actually played and was drafted out of Michigan.  All Jeter did was say he kind of liked the Wolverines when he was a teenager and he's even more welcomed at this thing than Brady is.  Maybe if Tom took a few fashion tips from the Captain and didn't look like a gangly substitute teacher everywhere he went then kids wouldn't be afraid to go near him.

Wake up with Shane Spencer

Shane Spencer was probably my favorite player in 1998.  Here's a fun fact - he was a replacement player during the 94-95 strike.  A fucking scab.  That's how good things were going in 98.  Didn't matter who was playing.  Cuban refugees.  26-year-old rookies.  Everyone who put on the pinstripes that year did something well.  Spencer's September was so good he was able to parlay it into a roster spot for four more seasons.  Pretty sweet deal.

Your boy Greg Bird giving the thumbs up after surgery yesterday

Day 1....can't say enough about how much I appreciate all the support I've received from everyone. To the staff @hspecialsurgery, thank you for all the hard work you put in to make this a successful day. Tomorrow I'll begin to work as efficiently as I possibly can to return, stronger than before, as soon as I can to help this team win games. The #chasefor28 continues.....#yankees

A photo posted by Greg Bird (@_bird33) on Feb 3, 2016 at 12:57am PST

It doesn't make any sense but this kind of makes me feel better.  In the back of my mind this surgery was pretty much Greg laying there in a bloody heap with his arm fully detached from his body as doctors tried to sew it back together.  Good to see he's alive and smiling, thanking the fans and the doctors.  Would've totally expected him to throw up a couple middle fingers and post that, but I guess some guys just aren't that cool.

PS - Greg Bird is a GREAT looking cat.  Never really realized it until now.

Wake up with Greg Bird's three-run shot against Toronto

Ts and Ps to our boy who had surgery yesterday.  It's been a tough few days thinking about what the future holds for this guy.  This was probably my favorite moment of the 2015 season.  Biggest hit of the year in the biggest game of the year.  Here's to 2017 and hoping today is the fist day of a short and efficient rehab.

What will the Yankees do when Tex goes down?

Now that Greg Bird is slated to miss 2016 in its entirety the Yankees are left in a very precarious situation at first base.  Bird was perfectly situated to hang out at Scranton with major league talent while we all waited around for Tex to get hurt.  Now the plans have changed.  You absolutely have to prepare for Teixeira to miss hundreds of at-bats this season but who's going to step in and try to stem the tide?  Let's explore the options...

Dustin Ackley



Ackley's probably going to get a lot of reps over at first base whether Tex is healthy or not.  His strong finish and relatively young age make his prospects for 2016 borderline exciting.  I like his stick.  I'm not exactly sure if he's changed anything since stinking it up in Seattle for all those years but in 52 AB's in pinstripes he looked a lot more like the stud who was drafted 2nd overall out of UNC.  He's versatile enough to give Castro and Beltran a blow at second and right every few days but if/when Tex goes down this is most likely going to be the guy shouldering the load at first.

Juan Uribe



This would be my favorite.  Juan Uribe in pinstripes.  There is nothing not to love about this guy.  Just a fat, lovable, relatable dude who's swing is just as big as his dick.  He's a right-handed bat with a ton of pop.  He can spell Headley and Tex at first and third whenever you need.  Basically everything the Yanks are looking for right now.  Not to mention the fact that this guy is a gamer.  Just one of those guys who's never seen a moment on the baseball field that he couldn't handle.  Mark my words if the Yanks get to the playoffs this guy is going to bash one into monument park and turn Yankee Stadium inside out.

A-Rod


There've been a lot of mixed messages about Alex Rodriguez and the first base position.  Girardi seems to be leaving the door open a little in terms of whether or not A-Rod will see time at first base this spring despite him admittedly being uncomfortable over there.  A-Rod seems to want no part of it and I don't blame him.  People act like you can just throw anyone over there and make it work.  You can't.  You have to fucking catch the ball.  The Yanks have a third baseman who would have had about 90 throwing errors last year if it wasn't for Tex.  A second baseman who just started playing the position.  The only place A-Rod feels less comfortable at than a social interaction is first base.

Ike Davis



I completely forgot this guy existed but apparently he's out there.  He's coming off of hip surgery and was having a terrible year with the A's prior to that.  He's mildly attractive because he'd likely accept a minor league contract and if he ever does make it to the big league club he's capable of putting a few balls out of the ballpark but all-in-all this dude is a bum and I'd rather try and lure Garret Jones back from Japan than invite Ike Davis to spring training.

Pedro Alvarez 



This is the name everyone's bringing up because he's probably the best available slugger on the market and he's from New York.  But he hit 27 home runs last year.  That's not peanuts.  That's legitimate major league output no matter which way you slice it.  There's at least four or five teams who would be interested in inking Alvarez to a major league deal that can guarantee him a ton of at bats and the Yankees aren't one of them.  Not going to happen.

Justin Morneau



Better player than Alvarez but I'm pretty sure he has CTE so that brings his market down a little bit.  He'll likely have plenty of suitors willing to offer him a big league job so, like Alvarez, there's really no shot they sign him.

Gary Sanchez 



Things might get interesting if Sanchez makes the team out of spring training.  He'll have plenty of opportunities to prove his bat is a major league weapon and if he hits Girardi should find ways to get him in the lineup, especially because he's right-handed.  If Tex should go down don't be surprised if McCann gets an uptick in reps over at first while they try to groom Sanchez behind the plate.

Greg Bird to have shoulder surgery, will miss all of 2016

Well this just came out of fucking nowhere didn't it?  Just when you thought you were allowed to get excited about the Yankees bringing up a star position player you get punched in the gut.  Not that the story of Greg Bird doesn't have plenty more chapters to be written but this SUCKS.  This was going to be Bird's opportunity to fine-tune his skills before taking the full-time gig in 2017.  Now who knows what's going to happen a year from now.  I'm nervous about Bird's future but I don't subscribe to this idea that he's the next Nick Johnson.  He had some injury hiccups in the minors but he never underwent anything major.  Certainly nothing close to this.

The thing that does scare me is the power.  I don't know what kind of player Bird's going to end up becoming.  Maybe he'll never hit for average.  Maybe he'll never be a plus defender at first.  But the one thing that's evident is that the kid has MAJOR Yankee Stadium pop and a tendency to hit home runs in big spots.  If having surgery on that right lead shoulder hinders the development of that power it's going to drastically change the kind of player he can become.

PS - How about the Yankee doctors get a fucking clue?  First Tex is day-to-day for about two months with a bone bruise that turned about to be a fracture.  Now you had Bird basically playing the whole year with a torn labrum and nobody noticed when he complained about it the first time?  Tanaka's probably pitching every game with a completely detached UCL.