UTAH – Salt Lake City businessman Baron Brooks said he was shocked to see a full-page advertisement in a North Idaho newspaper Saturday inviting candidates to interview to be his wife. The 48-year-old broker in the health food trade quickly deduced who was behind the $900 Coeur d’Alene Press ad, which listed criteria such as age, height and political views – “If you voted for Obama or plan to vote for Hillary you are not for me.”
“My father did this without my consent,” Brooks said in a phone interview Monday. “I can’t even describe to you how embarrassing and ridiculous this is.” He said he was infuriated with his father but also doesn’t want to hurt his feelings. And so he has decided to let his father, 78-year-old Arthur Brooks, of Beverly Hills, California, proceed with interviewing women who meet the specifications for a suitable mate. According to the ad, the interviews will take place Saturday at The Coeur d’Alene Resort. “And then I’ll have words with my father separately,” said Brooks, the owner of two health food stores. “Who knows, it can’t hurt. Who the hell knows? “What am I supposed to do? He already did it,” he added. “No sense in defusing a bomb once it’s already gone off.” Arthur Brooks, who breeds and races thoroughbred horses, said Monday he wouldn’t answer any questions about his ad until noon Sunday, presumably after he selects a winning prospect for his son.
Let me start by saying I don't even think this is that lame. If you want to meet people you have to get in the mix and put yourself out there nowadays. If you aren't enhancing your social media presence or putting together a fire Tinder/Bumble prof you're going to get left in the dust like a sucker and I take it they don't have internet out there in Utah so a full-page ad in the local paper is probably the equivalent to that. However, if you think for one second this dude's 78-year-old father put this shit together you're out of your bird. Look how specific those qualifications are. You think his dad just drew those bullet points up out of thin air? This was a calculated effort by Baron to let the people know that there's a 5'5, 48-year-old single stud out here in Salt Lake City with strong conservative viewpoints and a batch of potent sperm.
It's the perfect plan. Letting people know you're available without looking desperate is a major key (did I use that right?). It's like when you match with a girl on Tinder and she's like "oh my friends made me sign up for this lololol". Here's a fact - ladies are going to be lining up for this shit. This guy's a catch. Sure being 5'5 is always a major detriment but once single women reach a certain age horse and business ownership take precedents over height when seeking out men. And unfortunately for me, as someone who's reaped the benefits of being 6'2 almost all my life, the sand is trickling down that proverbial hourglass at an all too rapid pace.
It's the perfect plan. Letting people know you're available without looking desperate is a major key (did I use that right?). It's like when you match with a girl on Tinder and she's like "oh my friends made me sign up for this lololol". Here's a fact - ladies are going to be lining up for this shit. This guy's a catch. Sure being 5'5 is always a major detriment but once single women reach a certain age horse and business ownership take precedents over height when seeking out men. And unfortunately for me, as someone who's reaped the benefits of being 6'2 almost all my life, the sand is trickling down that proverbial hourglass at an all too rapid pace.
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